@gastronomee_

for 15-20 mandu 

ingredients:
mandu filling:
1 cup blackberries, mashed
2 tablespoons sugar
1 tablespoon cornstarch
1 teaspoon lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1 package of wonton wrappers (you won't use the whole thing)

frying:
vegetable oil for deep frying (i shallow fry, not deep fry and end up using no more than 1/2 cup of oil for the whole thing)
topping:
2 tablespoons powdered sugar
blackberry jam for drizzling

instructions:
mix mashed blackberries, sugar, cornstarch, lemon juice, and cinnamon for the mandu filling. heat the mixture in a small saucepan or microwave, if needed, to help it come together.
place a small spoonful of the blackberry mixture in the center of a wonton wrapper.
wet the edges of the wrapper with water and fold it in half, sealing the edges to form a triangle.
heat vegetable oil in a deep fryer or large pan to 350°F (175°C).
carefully place mandu in the hot oil and fry until golden brown, about 2-3 minutes.
remove mandu and drain excess oil on paper towels.
while still warm, roll the fried mandu in sugar for a sweet coating.
drizzle blackberry jam over the top for an extra burst of flavor.

@gastronomee_

ah, myfitnesspal. what a journey we've been on.

like many young girls my age, i discovered the app at first when i was convinced that i had to lose weight. prepubescent and on the heavier side of 'normal' was enough to get me to try to get my health back on track. i completely ignored the fact that i was growing taller, which obviously meant i had to eat more.

it sucked me into a lot of self-negativity for years. i think i discovered it when i was 12 or 13?

i deleted it eventually; then re-downloaded it in high school when i had my 'gym phase.' 

now, i'm in my 20s, and i use it regularly to make sure my macros are on track.

but maybe it's history. maybe it's memories. every time i open the app, i'm met with this rush of shame, regret, bad memories, and falling back into a cycle of...well. that.

and for some reason, when i'm in public, i get this weird belief that everyone is thinking the same thing i am. that if anyone - god forbid - saw me use it, they would immediately think i was still self conscious, then i would have to give a whole explanation of how i wasn't, and that they would learn all about my food history.

which isn't true. but i can't stop these thoughts.

anyways. 

more thoughts and full recipe in bio.