Wow, almost 5 months since my last upload. Who's still here??? Hopefully a few of you guys. Since my last upload, there's been so much good in my life. I got promoted. We moved to a beautiful new apartment. I made amends with my estranged sister. And lastly, and most importantly, my wife and I are expecting a baby girl in March. I. Am. Blessed.

"At The Gates" is dedicated to Gates Bonynge, who passed a few years ago. I met Gates when I was going thru my divorce. Him and his girlfriend at the time, Rachel, were there for me when I had nothing or no one. And for that I am forever grateful. Their addiction to heroin unfortunately took over. I guess I always knew that they were into some dirty things, but I turned a blind eye because I was lonely. Slowly, it turned from drinks, to smoking... and then they showed their true colors. All I can say is that misery truly does love company.

Rachel eventually left Gates, and thankfully she is alive and well. She was young and impressionable, and lucky to escape with her life. Gates continued on his road, a very dark path. To say he had demons would be the BIGGEST understatement I could think of. He was paranoid, schizophrenic, and an addict. But he was also brilliant, charismatic, and passionate. He was the most polarizing person I ever knew, and I am equal parts thankful for our short friendship and regretful that we ever met.

A few years after I cut off contact, I heard he was living on the streets, looking frail and thin. I wrote a song about him, a song from a dark, angry place, called "White Devil". After releasing it, an acquaintance informed me that he actually passed away 5 days prior. If I knew, I would have never released that song, or even written it for that matter. So "At The Gates" is the song I owed him. This song came from raw emotion and I honestly don't even know what emotions they are. Sadness? Pain? Hurt? Guilt? Remorse? Fear?

It's hard to lose someone- but this is one instance where I can honestly say he's in a better place. Because he's not here. He was tormented, and whether or not there's an afterlife, or a hell, at least his pain in this place is over.

RIP Gates.
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🎹🎹 Beat produced by Young Taylor    / @youngtaylor_  

🎛️🎛️ Music produced by Bismarck Beats. I hope we can work together on some new material soon. 🎛️🎛️    / channel  

🎞️🎞️ Video filmed and edited by eFFeX with a little help from Anni

📸📸 Follow me on Instagram 📸📸www.instagram.com/effex_productions/

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------------------LYRICS----------------------
[Bridge]
Yeah you did it
Did it all
Did it all for the high

[Verse One]
Looking for that hit my friend, you're looking on the ground
Looking thru the dust and crumbs but this is what you found
Your life, it flew past, in a flash, now it's gone
Nothing but a struggle and the sadness for your mom
Days were filled with blackness, in the nights with the Xans
I wonder if your ending was all part of your big plans
You always seemed to know way much more than you let on
You looked at death, and felt it's breath, and took that bitch head on

[Hook]
In the night I see your face and to the bone I'm chilled
Get up in the morning and the feeling's more than real
I'll never shake your memory, I can't escape the thought
When I get up, it develops, it won't let up, and I'm fed up
You're an apparition and I'm wishing for relief
Having visions of your ending, I'm sinking in my grief
You could never kick the habit, your death it was tragic
And these forces, they all haunt me, won't get off me, coming towards me

[Bridge]

[Verse Two]
I could never tell what really lurked behind your eyes
Were you manic, just an addict with your hurt in disguise?
Only saw the daylight when you'd pump it in your blood
A crazy, rage-filled junkie with no numbers on your gun
There was more than meets the eye. Those who knew you, we could see it
And these moments gave us hope but there was so much in between 'em
To know you was to love you and to hate you with the same breath
I knew the only way you'd be at peace wa